GRIEF, SORROW & LOSS

This past weekend you may have seen on slough of  Father's Day tributes to the powerful, strong and humbling influencers those around you have the pleasure to call Father Figures. Of course, we want to support those positive beings and their family's respective feelings and tributes, but what happens when you feel triggered? Seeing others celebrate and pay tribute may trigger emotional responses which can be negative and turbulent emotions.

First off, it's okay to be triggered. It's okay to not want to celebrate. You shouldn't need my permission or anyone else's to feel these emotions but our psyche may seek confirmation and permission to feel the opposite to what is being portrayed. Although we may be triggered by celebrations, events or people this does not have to dictate our lives in a negative fashion causing turmoil and negativity in what could be joyous encounters.

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Nedra Glover Tawwab, Therapist said it perfectly on her Instagram.

When Father's Day is a Trigger:
* You don't have a healthy relationship with your father
* Your father is deceased
* Your father was never present
* You are grieving the loss of a father-life relationship
* You are away from your father
* You are a parent who experiences the death of a child
* You're a single parent (mother or father)

If suppressed and paired with difficult or challenging times, our emotions may be released in a negative fashion where we may exhibit behaviour or communicate in a way that does not reflect our personal values. Grief, sorrow and loss are difficult and heart wrenching emotions to handle and accept but inevitably they will happen to all of us. 

Each of us will go through our own journey on how to embrace a new chapter of our existence without that particular and familiar contributor. During this process self-love practices are key. We need to be gentle, kind and grounded during times of emotional turbulence and trauma. The more we acknowledge our feelings, even those of discomfort, the more we can understand, deal with and release. 

On Father's Day, I found myself wearing a Harley Davidson long sleeve t-shirt I purchased for my Dad when I was on a road trip in Salem, Massachusetts. I made myself a cup of tea and sat in the workshop, swivelling in my chair, drifting through memories of good times we had as a family. Tears, a tightness in my chest and other symptoms of anxiety starter to become apparent as my mind started to wander. With tears in my eyes, I went to my record collection for comfort and strolled through the cardboard sleeves looking to find something uplifting. One record slipped my fingertips and as I went back to it I found it was Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits album.

Hm. Insert sign from the Universe.

Bob Dylan was the last concert I attended with my Dad before his passing. We had a whale of time however to this day the idea of attending that concert with my Dad still makes me smile as folk music wasn't necessarily his thing so I was shocked when he agreed to go. It was only until we went to the show that I realised he was more excited about my curiosity and ever-growing passion for music of all eras and that I wanted to share this with him.

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With Bob Dylan's gravelly voice crackling through my record player's speakers I reached for my beastly Rose Quartz, dabbed a few drops of Frankincense oil behind my ears, closed my eyes and drifted away. I can't say how long that moment lasted but when I shifted back to reality I took to my notebook and started to write a tool kit for this trigger. I explored a few of my favourite websites and books looking for even more options. I transcribed a personalised list of the holistic tools that called out to me. Surprisingly and spontaneously I found myself to InstaLive to share my experience.

It's been a few days since those triggers were present and I'm still detoxing from the overhaul of emotions however I also feel a sense of comfort I haven't felt before. I am proud that I took the time to acknowledge and work through my feelings. I am proud that I allowed myself space to cry. I am proud to move forward with my own self-healing and find tools to support me on this journey.

This post is a calling. Actually, a bulletin. A bulletin to say it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to cry, it's okay to be triggered and it's okay to feel shitty but what's more important is the next steps towards healing. 'If you can carry joy in your heart, you can heal at any moment.' - Anonymous 

Ps. If you missed out on my InstaLive here's the gemstones and oils discussed.

GEMSTONES

Apache Tears
* Remind us we can turn to others in times of need and surrounding ourselves with loving energy aids in healing emotions associated with grief, sorrow and loss
* Translucent Brownish Black in colour
* Form of Obsidian

Celestite
* Calms our constant inner dialogue and brings peace and comfort in emotional times
* 'The Hugger' – embraces and consoles during difficult times
* Pale Blue in colour

Rose Quartz
* Reminds us to be loving towards ourselves and our emotions
* 'The Soother' – heals emotional wonders and aids in moving forward with loving intentions
* Pale to Rich Pink
* Form of Quartz

OILS (diffuse or roller ball)

Frankincense* – brings calm and inner peace with empathy and kindness to difficult situations

Bergamot** – releases feelings of sorrow, blues and symptoms of depression

Rose – encourages self-love (love is the answer to all)

Thyme* – helps us see the bigger picture by providing strength and grounding

* - Possible Skin Irritation
** Possible Skin Irritation & Phototoxic

Suggestions: 

Roller Ball Receipt - Mix 2-3 drops of desired oils in 15 ml rollerball and top off with carrier oil (fractioned coconut oil is my favourite). Apply to wrists, spine pulse points and spine or roll over hands, cup and inhale. Keep out of reach of children. If you are pregnant, nursing, or under a doctor’s care, consult your physician. Avoid contact with eyes, inner ears, and sensitive areas. 

Diffuser – Mix 1-2 drops of desired oil with water in a diffuser. Ensure your space is well ventilated. Consult a veterinarian before diffusing with animals present.